I didn’t see a lot of bad movies in 2015. That would be a good thing, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t see any bad movies AT ALL. I only saw three movies that I consider to be the worst of 2015, and since I only saw three, I’ve humorously dubbed them the “Trinity of Sinfully Bad Movies of 2015”. The ones that made me feel unpleasant, angry, frustrated, annoyed, or even straight up flip the bird at the movie screen. One of these movies is only bad in a “so bad it’s good” way, but still bad, while the others are just unnecessary, stupid, and just, well, BAD (the all-caps means that they are real pieces of shit). Now, this is just my opinion, as I’m sure there were other bad movies or even worse ones than the ones on this list. Here we go:
3. 50 Shades of Grey
The first movie I ever reviewed on this blog ends up being the least worst movie on this list. It was a given that this was going to be on the list and also that it was the lowest one. There was no way this could be good at all. It’s based on Twilight fan-fiction porn that somehow became a book that somehow became a movie. And yet it made a lot of money despite negative reviews (including my own lol) and already there are sequels, based on the next two books, being made. While the performances of the actors are okay with what they were given (and seriously, Razzies, you give the awards for worst actor and actress to them?), sometimes the movie comes across as self-aware it’s based on shit material, the cinematography and camera work are alright, it’s still terribly written, the premise and plot are stupid, its ideas of “how if a guy is hot and has money then it’s okay for him to be a creeper that’s into kinky sex stuff” are idiotic and also disturbing that people fall for this shit, and for an “erotic film”, even the sex scenes and nudity are tame, especially considering how explicit the source material was, making you want to watch better erotic films (in comparison, at least) like Showgirls, Basic Instinct, or even Caligula. Heck, go watch Skinemax or internet porn, at least those’ll give more kicks than this movie. It’s even worse considering I sat in a crowded movie theater, on Valentine’s Day of all days (don’t judge, I was bored and had nothing to do), and all these couples were there, doing who knows what while the movie was playing. I just felt uncomfortable. There were a lot of stupid moments to laugh at, but even that got annoying near the end. But it’s not the worst one out there, it does have a “so bad it’s good vibe”. Unlike the other two…
2. Point Break (2015)
Why are 90s movies being remade now? Is Hollywood that much out of ideas? Heck, apparently friggin MEMENTO is being remade! And yet this movie flopped critically and commercially, big shock. It’s even made by some of the same people who did the Total Recall remake. You’d think they would’ve learned their lesson, but nope, they go ahead and remake another 90s cult classic film, one that had Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze (RIP) in it, the latter whom is probably spinning in his grave worse than with the Red Dawn remake. This movie took a simple and fun action film and turned it into something convoluted, needlessly complex, and just REEKS of hipster bullshit. Even moments that try to make nods to the original are especially off-putting. The only props I could give this movie are the performances by Delroy Lindo, Ray Winstone, and Edgar Ramirez, and the visuals, but the characters are bland, the story is dumb, and it’s just awful from beginning to end. If this movie didn’t have the Point Break name and characters, it would’ve been an okay bland action film, but it was shit. Just go watch the original Point Break and pretend this never existed. Same can’t be said for the next one…
1. Fantastic Four (2015)
Aka “Fan4stic” aka “Fucktastic Chore”. I HATED this movie. HATED it. Even a year later I still hate this movie. When is Fox, and other studios doing similar tactics, ever going to learn? The previous Fantastic Four movies were awful, the Roger Corman one at least being somewhat passable, but this one is the worst one yet. This one didn’t have anything going for it, despite the advantages of having a talented cast and crew and a $100 million budget. No wonder it flopped. There was hardly any promotion other than a stupid Denny’s commerical, Marvel wouldn’t have anything to do with it other than their label being there, there wasn’t even a Stan Lee cameo, it wasn’t going to be connected to the X-Men movies also produced by Fox despite back-and-forth statements and yet the idea seemed interesting, the comic was cancelled as Marvel’s way of giving the middle finger to Fox for not giving them the rights back so they could do them justice (and probably would, considering how successful the MCU is, maybe do a TV series), there was already controversy regarding the casting of Michael B. Jordan as Human Torch (ironically the best part of the movie), and even the director denounced it as a piece of shit. The movie itself was terrible from beginning to end, tries to be every “dark” comic book movie out there and failing at that (we got Zack Snyder and DC doing a somewhat better job in that department, thanks) the characters were awful, the premise and story were ridiculous, the writing was atrocious, the effects were lazy, Doctor Doom is butchered as a character and a villain, it’s barely longer than an HOUR AND A HALF, and it’s just plain BAD. Honestly, what more could be said? And yet, this was all done in an attempt by Fox to keep the FF out of Marvel’s hands, to do a film so bad that the property wouldn’t be touched for a while, if ever. They even thought they could make a friggin SEQUEL to this garbage, which’ll probably NEVER happen. This movie was a straight-up insult to anyone who loves movies, comics, comic book movies and even the FF, a middle finger in cinematic form, which I promptly gave in return when I watched it in theaters. Shame on Fox for doing this and not learning their lesson. I hope at least they’ll give it back to Marvel, along with the X-Men, so they could get better treatment in adapting them. That’d be “fantastic” (now cut to black before saying “four” in mid-sentence, making The Sopranos finale ending cutting to black in mid-sentence look amazing by comparison).
So those are my worst movies of 2015. Sorry this took so long. 2016 so far has been a mixed bag at times for movies as well, but at least there’s more effort than what the bad movies of 2015 gave. Feel free to post in the comments if you agree with this list or thought there was a worse movie in 2015 than those on this list. Hopefully I won’t have to do another list like this for 2016, and if I do, it’ll hopefully arrive a lot sooner than this one lol.